SketchBook

many things feel like sketching, which aren’t.

see also: drawing, painting, DigitalPainting, DigitalSculpture

I want the scissors to be sharp
and the table to be perfectly level
when you cut me out of my life
and paste me in that book you always carry.

“Vade Mecum” by Billy Collins

I find myself wanting to make a book about my books. A [::Book Of Books] maybe as a PDF so that people can keep it &&/or print it out themselves. Thinking up an interesting and “printable” design for it would be very fun!

One of these years I want to take a month out and do nothing but scan organize and re-create with these drawings.

the drawing “problem”

the only thing which has made me undeniably and fully happy in my life has been the act of drawing. and yet, i neglect this practice. i think it is the memory or the rarity that buoys me. knowing that the power is inside me, even if dormant while i do my lifes work feels... somehow... comforting. I think in the grand scheme, i am betting myself, small gestures at a time, in countless ways.
this means that while part of me would love to run off and become a student at one Atelier or another, I know that there may be a time I can do that but for now I really want to see how far I can go on my current trajectory.
As I am a woman, drawing is the fire.

What is this hold these things have over me

I am powerless against it.
It still feels strange to not keep a sketchbook, and so i always do, even though i use the computer for drawing and sketching much more.
I feel that the book is my most beloved medium and format. It is the one thing I would let live if all else must die. I like them as receptacles, as historical time capsules.
and nothing else quite feels the same.
At first I felt an obsession for them. and then a melancholy. and then a disgust. so that now i want them far far away.
it is the format i am in love with not the material. it is the content and context. the physical object and what it signifies scares me after awhile.
i drag them out to make myself feel more comfortable. the only artworks that have survived all the years, ironically containing all the other artworks.
there is not going back, only forwards. for better or , for worse.
I am beginning to think that if I can digitize them. extract from them all their poems and secrets, i can finally be free of them.

on the other hand, this is, for all intents and purposes, my Skethbook. maybe it is healthier for me to accept that.

see also: Projects, ElegantMedia, RandomIdeas, Books