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Trail: 2005-03-23 forsaken

2005-03-23 forsaken

My big monitor that i won in 1996 died today. Very sad, and now i am stuck working on a fuzzy and far too small old monitor.

i guess the only thing i have not forsaken in my life has been my love of computers. i have developed that skill, my skill of making digital artefacts. but, i miss books alot. i wish i had never stopped keeping a sketchbook but such is the way of life, wo. you cannot be an expert at everything. i think at one point it was one of the other. in fact, i guess it started at workman publishing. i can remember itching to draw but sitting in that office not feeling there was a damn thing worth drawing.
and i feel the same way now. in an optimistic mood the other day i thought: damn riea you are in a beautiful mideval city! a whole city just waiting to be drawn. the painting is always more beautiful than the reality, as michael says. but still every day i sit here perfecting my computer art and not giving a damn about the papaer, about the books the ink, i can feel the longing but not the motivation. i guess this is nothing to be unhappy about. but still. i don’t need much encouragement to be dour.