i want to believe that these can be constructive.... lets try.
the wording is probably very important. be honest. make it realistic and specific.
the resolutions are for the year listed.
2018
2016
- swim two times a week
- 5 year plan
- grad school (what would it take to do this?)
- no day without a line
- paint brown people
- Italy
- discover MY 3d art
2015
- to get up earlier in the morning (9:00am at the latest, be in the studio by 9:30am)
- to stop doodling and make finished drawings.
- to continue to learn how to paint
- to get funding for ToT book
- to find publisher for said book
- to learn how to wear makeup.
- nail polish! crazy eye shadow!, (subtle) lipstick colors!
- to read 25 complete books.
- to strategize for the future.
- start and finish things (in general)
2013
2008
my 1 new years resolution:
- treat my body like it exists.
- deep breathing
- take photos of myself
- meet with friends & family in person (and let them know i value that)
- go out to live shows and to parties (instead of just saying i’ll go and then not going)
- swimming and biking
- stop thinking and having sex at the same time.
- writing things down by hand (my handwriting is really messy and i get cramps in my fingers when writing now)
- try enjoying creating physical things again (all this ephemeral digital stuff has limits)
2007
- i want to make music. i have never done that before. ever. and i should.
i want to make music that sounds like this:
hmh i wonder what MySong will sound like.
the rest of my resolutions are private.... lots of inner uneasiness to sort through.
2005
- figure out ways to feel less like a caged animal. without hurting anybody. is this even possible?
- accept that in my character is a lazy streak. i don’t exactly believe this and yet it is what michael sees. if it will help, then i should strive to be less lazy. a little more discipline. i suppose this means getting over my general uneasiness with life here. its like... accepting my fate.
- travel more. i already have a plan to go to the states in the spring. not ideal but probably a good enough start. i think that it would be good for me and Z to go to Rome or Florence. see the old art in its natural habitat. i would of course like to go to Japan. but i don’t see how this can happen. where else... back to paris would be nice. i myself should get back to antwerp and spend more time with friends in brussels.
- i think half of my problems stem from not getting out of the house very much. so i should try to get outside more regularly. go to the botanical garden and draw or on nice days in the summer walk to the big park. it was nice the day i discovered the wireless net connection in the park next to the library (even though for other reasons that was not such a nice day)
- i should be nicer to the kids. i am nice to them but often i am easily withdrawn to my own place and ignore them as much as possible. i often feel like i want to be alone when they are here. i think that as they get older they notice this and they don’t know how to act towards me. they aren’t used to my kind. everybody else gives them reactions they can accept or ignore whereas they can neither accept or ignore me. don’t know quite how i am gonna pull myself out of the kid-o-phobia. but, its a bit childish of me to behave that way ;), no?
- i’ve done okay with self study but i think its high time i signed up for the french classes. been promising myself this for too long. this should be the year!
- make workwork easier on myself. save my creativity and energy for the things that matter. if a job can be easy, i should make it easy. and get it over with faster. no more agonizing over designs for clients that don’t give a shit. if they don’t give a shit, i don’t give a shit either. everything is not gonna be a masterpiece. for workwork i should be practical.
- make it real.
- i think that part of the argument michael and i keep repeating has to do with hoe inherently self-centered i’ve become in the past few years. alot of this has to do with my being alone or practically so most of the time. i climb inside my own head and it is difficult to pull me out. this problem threads itself through several of my other resolutions. the slowness, the lack of discipline. the feeling that i am always right just because i have thought my arguments through. on the one hand i feel like i am beating myself up over finally growing an ego and an opinion at long last. but i need to make sure i am not mixing up self-assuredness with selfishness, callousness, apathy. at the same time i need to be kinder to myself too. cloudy thoughts come all to easily for me. darkness. i’ve been me long enough to know that if i can wait it out all will work itself out, but i can torture myself like noone else. be careful is all. balance.
- i can be so clingy to michael. is this what he wants or is he sick of me? have i argued with him, about that one thing, one too many times? am i sick of him? find out.